How Involved Should He Be?



Yes! Yes! I will marry you! This is usually the response that exudes from the mouths of women when their long-term boyfriends finally get the courage to ask for their hand. From that day, whether they like it or not, they will have to start planning for their big day and the rest of their lives. Planning a wedding can be as painful as having a migraine. The process is tiresome, stressful and can often lead to bickering and squabbling. Organization becomes of utmost importance. This is obviously no surprise, but brides tend to think every job involved in planning falls on their heads. If only there was someone who could share the tasks with them. Oh wait! There is! They are called the groom.

Some grooms are willing to sit through hours of deliberation on whether the colour should be eggshell or offwhite. Then there are grooms that plan on just showing up on the day. Unfortunately, if the bride is not a DIY expert with mounds of time to plan and coordinate, they tend to turn into Bridezillas. On the flip side, there are grooms who take over the wedding for their own purposes, most commonly known as the Groomzilla.

Involvement is important, but there needs to be balance. If your groom is not interested in taking over a task, ask him (nicely) what he would be interested in doing. If he is creative, have him come up with a good design for the invitation. If he is good with numbers, have him be in charge of the wedding budget. Allotting duties according to his strengths and interests can encourage interest and participation. Turn hiring a band or photographer into a date night where the two of you visit local bars or clubs to see them in action. Planning an important event together will create a very strong bond. Just remember the reason you are planning this in the first place, and that you have decided to make a commitment to share your life with this person, the good, bad, and especially the ugly.

Remember to validate his opinions, even when they differ from your own. Marriage requires compromise and sacrifice, so you might as well start exercising those skills. Try to incorporate his ideas into the wedding whenever you can. Weddings are more meaningful when it reflects the unique attributes of both the bride and the groom. Be happy with his involvement, even if you would have done it differently. You never know, his creativity and crazy ideas may make your special day a lot more fun than you imagined.

If your groom is too involved with the wedding, not letting you have a say, then a heart to heart conversation is important. Explain the stress that he is going through and let him know that you are there to help as well. Suggest tasks you can take upon yourself based upon interests and strengths. Let him know that you are interested in doing tasks together, rather than apart and remind him that the planning stages of a wedding are meant to be fun. Brides, remember to enjoy this phase for your groom. It can be entertaining to watch him freak out over ribbons and tablecloths. Take deep and calming breaths and realize that it’s nice that he is taking interest in the wedding.

For all major decisions to be made, both the bride and the groom should have the opportunity to voice their opinions. Take each other’s opinions seriously and keep each other informed about the wedding details on a regular basis. You and your groom should have a specific day of the week where you go on a fun date that has nothing to do with weddings.

Planning a wedding does not have to be a chore. Have fun with the task and seize special moments with your soon to be spouse. Take the opportunity to create a stronger bond between you two and cherish each and every moment. Remember to laugh, have fun and love with all your heart.